Pregnant Again?

Recently my husband and I had a bit of a pregnancy scare. No, it was not planned, if anything it would have been complete birth control failure. The likelihood of me actually being pregnant was slim to none considering I’ve been using the Nuva Ring off and on for about 8 years. It’s my favorite form of birth control and had always been reliable. So why did I think I was pregnant? I admit there have been times that instead of putting it in on Sunday I would forget until Monday or Tuesday. I didn’t think much of it, following the proper instructions if that should occur, but for two weeks I was so nauseous I couldn’t stand it, and I rarely get sick, especially for any length of time. I had avoided foods that were too heavy and just felt sluggish and miserable. I felt…pregnant! I’m not one of those women who knows when she’s pregnant. I know women who say they can tell right away, but not me. The three times I’ve carried babies I had to be told by someone else that I was pregnant. So when I was near crying because I wasn’t feeling well my husband asked when my period was due and we both got that look, you know the one. Me saying “no way” him saying “I don’t know…” A few days later I got my period. We both were relieved, but also a little disappointed too.

The whole thing got us thinking, “what would it be like to have another one?” I mean, who doesn’t love babies? They’re so tiny, and soft, and sweet, and smell like baby soap. My heart just melts when I’m near a new baby. I also love being pregnant. Sure the first trimester is exhausting and boring, but once the second one hits you’ve got some extra energy and a cute little baby bump popping out, and you can feel baby flip flopping around in there practicing those martial arts moves that will one day surely make them a grand master. Plus, my husband was a gem! If I had a craving, that’s what we ate, even if it was Wendy’s Spicey Chicken sandwiches twice a day. He never got annoyed with me, he was always patient and tolerent. He was ideal! And when our son was a newborn, you never saw a man so delicate and paranoid and happy. He’s a great father, he’s what I always imagined the father of my kids would be.

I have three kids. Two from a previous relationship and now my son with my husband. For as long as I can remember I always wanted three, and I had always hoped the first two would be the same sex and the last the opposite. I had everything I ever wanted! All three of my kids even have the same initals L,M,R (not in that order, but those three letters). My husband however, while he is an amazing step father to my daughters and loves them as if they were his own, he still only has one biological child. It makes me wonder, does he wants another one? Would I have another one if he wanted to? Is it right for either of us to give up what we want because it’s not what the other wants? Is it wrong to?

My mind says “no more kids!” The only real reason I say that is because of money. That’s another birthday every year, another kid at Christmas to buy for, another child in school eventually. It means the terrible two’s again, breastfeeding again! Do I want to do that all over again? I haven’t even got Link weaned yet and he’s certainly not sleeping in his own bed yet, so could I do that with two?! And the weight! I have the hardest time losing the baby weight. It usually takes me about two years, and with my last child it took dieting too. I’m getting older, my body is recovering a lot differently than it did before.

But…

Those days don’t last forever. Eventually the weight does come off, they are weaned, they do sleep in their own beds, and they do grow up. It’s certainly not all bad either. Nothing beats the first time you hear “momma”, nothing beats those open mouth kisses, or when they fall asleep on your chest (back when they FIT on your chest). The feeling you get when they first roll over, sit up, crawl, or walk. The way they turn their heads to watch you walk around the room. The way they smile only for you (their parents). There’s nothing else in the world that compares to it.

No doubt babies are great, and if the next one was anything like Link, toddlers are pretty neat too, and so far the girls aren’t too tough to handle (most days). So would I have another one?

In the end we’ve talked about it. We’ve agreed if by some divine intervention it happened (which we are still protecting against for the family members with dropped jaws right now) it wouldn’t be a bad thing (we even have names picked that go with our naming convention), and if it doesn’t happen…well, then we have a pretty great family as it is and there’s no need to change that. I just worry, if it’s important to him and he’s just not telling me because he thinks I’m dead set against it then that would be sad. If so, he’d better let me know because I’m about to hit mid thirties and I’m not about to be considered a “gereatric pregnancy”! These kids already make me feel old enough as it is! 🙂

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Mommy Diaries – The Birth Story

Okay, things have started to settle down now so I figured I’d fill in the final chapter of my pregnancy log here. 

Saturday was our due date and it didn’t look like Link would be making his debut anytime soon so we decided to have a nice “chill” day. Chris’ mom (who had been staying with us since the 3rd) was visiting her sister (who also came down to visit and see the new addition to the family) and the girls were with their dad, so we decided to make a trip down to Tampa and hit the mall (it’s rare we go anymore since there isn’t one within 45 minutes of us). I had been wanting to get the girls a “Big Sister” gift from their new brother. I settled on engraved bracelets from Things Remembered which read their name on one side and “Love, Link” on the other (so cute). We got some food, then shopped for a bit and finished up our Kevin Smith collection with the last two movies we needed. We also met up with one of his friends for a minute (work related) and later headed back to Spring Hill to visit Chris’ cousin. It was cool, we didn’t stress about the baby coming, we weren’t in any hurry to get stuff done (a rare treat anymore) it was just a day like any other we used to have.

I had been having contractions on and off all day but nothing abnormal. When it seemed like they started to get more frequent we started timing them. After 30 minutes or so they started getting further apart so I just figured it was false labor. It did motivate me to finally pack my hospital bag, so I did a load of laundry and watched a movie. I was still having them when I went to bed but again, that was normal. I figured I would either wake up in labor or just suffer another sleepless night.

At 3:30am they were getting pretty bad. I tried to sit up instead of laying down thinking that may make them less painful but I was WRONG! Still not convinced I was in “labor” I went into the living room to watch TV and time contractions again, 4:04, 4:07, 4:11, 4:13…I decided to wake up Chris. I was also really nauseous and I remembered from Milla’s birth that when I started feeling like I was going to puke I was in transition  (final stage of labor) and should probably go. I thought it was too early for that but still… He started loading up the car and we went. I told him not to call anyone yet because I was so afraid I’d just get sent home to progress there and didn’t want everyone waiting around for me. From past experience there was no hurry.

Because my last two deliveries had been so long (Riley 47 hrs, Milla 13 hrs) I had not expected this to go fast but contractions were coming pretty steady. When we got in the room they asked me if I wanted the epidural and I wasn’t sure. I had hoped to go natural but the pain was so bad and so intense I was considering it. I wanted to be checked first. They checked me and I was at 3cm and 100% effaced. Relief! I had been at 1cm and 50% effaced for the last couple weeks so it was good news to hear I’d already progressed this much. They’ll administer the epidrual at 5cm so I still had some time to make my final decision about whether or not to get it. It couldn’t have been another 15 or 20 minutes when contractions were so bad I was trying not to cry through them. Breathing through them was no longer an option although the nurses seemed to think they were. They were bad and one on top of the other. I could hear Link’s heart rate increase right before each one so when I would hear it I kept thinking “again…so soon?!!” They checked me again and I was at 8cm. Yes, from 3 to 8 in less than 20 minutes! I believe my water had also broken on it’s own.

I was ready to push 10 minutes before the doctor got there. It was happening so fast we weren’t sure she’d make it. The nurses kept telling me to breathe or pant through them (pretty sure they were just stalling so they didn’t have to deliver me) but at that point I was (near crying) telling them I didn’t think I could NOT push anymore. I think Chris was ready to start slappin’ people 🙂 Finally the midwife came in and told me to start pushing. After two really big pushes he was out. I won’t describe what it felt like when he came out but it wasn’t a pleasant feeling I’ll give you that much. She told me to reach down and grab my baby (I’m not sure if he was all the way out at that point or not) but I was excited I got to hold him that second. He came out arms flailing around, crying and all pink (scored 9’s on the Apgar). Then they took him over to the warmer to clean him up, do footprints and Chris got to cut the cord while I delivered the placenta which my doctor showed us (I think they love doing that :). She said “do you want to see the placenta?!” I was like “uh, okay…” LOL it was gross but kinda cool 🙂

There were no complications, I didn’t tear or need stitches so she said I could leave the next day. My doctor couldn’t have been there more than 30 minutes total (fastest money she’s made). The nurses cleared the room soon after and it was just us :). I wasn’t down long either. They told me the first time I got up to use the bathroom I would need to call them to help so I did that quickly to get it over with but after that I was up and around like it was nothing (an advantage to not having the epidural)

A few hours later they moved us to the Mother and Baby section of the hospital which was cool because as nice as the birthing room was, the TV had no a/v plugs so we couldn’t hook up the DVD player. The new room did, SCORE! 🙂 The next day we were released at 1:30 after the pediatrican looked him over. The poor baby was so sick of being man handled. We could hear him crying down the hall :'( It was allI could do not to burst into tears (although I did get teary eyed). While he was gone I packed us up and we were ready.

He did AWESOME on the ride home. He slept the whole way. The girls screamed the entire time we brought them home so this was a nice change 🙂

The next morning his circumcision was scheduled :'( I was a wreck. Overwhelmed with guilt but certain it was the right choice. We went to my doctor who would be performing it and as the nurse was explainging it to me my eyes were welling up. I asked her to just tell me that they do this all the time and he’d be fine. She was great though, she said he would be, they’ve done at least four of these a week for years, that the worst part for the baby was that they hated being strapped down. When she brought him back to me 10 minutes later he was fine. It didn’t look like he was upset or had been crying. He was perfectly calm. He did cry on the way home but I assume the bumps weren’t pleasant. It was the longest ride ever!

He’s a great sleeper! He sleeps a lot during the day but still does well at night. The first two nights he only woke up twice each night but my milk came in the other day and he’s having more and more wet diapers so it’s waking him up a bit more now.

Speaking of my milk coming in, DAMN! My boobs are HUGE!! And HEAVY!! If my belly was gone I’d be taking pictures of these mommas 🙂 Unfortunately he’s not eating as much as I’m producing so I’m engorged which hurts! I tried pumping but my BRAND NEW pump doesn’t seem to be working right. It’s not a complicated machine so I’m not sure if it’s just a POS or what (it’s a Medela so it shouldn’t be). I’m annoyed and in some pain nonetheless. I’ll figure it out though.

Everyone’s gone now. Chris’ mom left Tuesday and now the girls are with their dad for the weekend, a day early too because it’s his birthday. I admit it’s nice not to have anyone around. I need the break. Summer vacation is going to be long this year 🙂

I have to say, the timing on this couldn’t have been better. We had flown Chris’ mom is specifically for this and since I was only a few hours past my due date she didn’t miss anything. The girls were with their dad for his weekend anyway so it wasn’t like we had to drag them out of bed at 4:30 in the morning. Labor went quick so it didn’t even take up all of our Sunday  which was also convenient because his aunt was leaving that day anyway a few short hours after he was born so she didn’t miss it either. We haven’t been overwhelmed with visitors which is also nice. I do wish my mom could come 🙁 She’s been really sick for the past few weeks and obviously doesn’t want to pass it around here, but it’s so strange for me not to have her around. She was always the first one at the hospital for my other kids so for it to be days after he’s been born and her not be here sucks. We’ll see her this weekend though (hopefully she’s better by then).

Thanks for all your support during my pregnancy. I made some pretty cool friends during it too! Special thanks to my husband who has made this whole thing a great experience. He was at every appointment with me, fulfilled every craving I had, never made me feel guilty when I was too tired to cook or clean or just get out of my chair.  He never made fun of me about the 3lbs of baked potatoes I ate for breakfast every morning 😉 He has always been very supportive over everything and I’m just so glad to have him in my life. Our baby is absolutely amazing. We finally have our missing Link and now our family is complete :). I couldn’t be happier with my life.

 

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Mommy Diaries – 39 weeks pregnant

Not much to add this week. I noted on my status that I was still only 1cm dilated and 50% effaced at my doctor appt today. My cervix is still up in my tonsils (her actual words) and I also gained another freakin’ pound!! Ugh…

Other than that and just TOTALLY OVER BEING PREGNANT, I’m good 🙂 Now we’re just playing the waiting game. I have an appointment for induction on June 15th at 6:15am. My doctor doesn’t think I’ll make it to then and honestly I hope I don’t either. If I couldn’t be induced this weekend (when Chris’ family is in town) then I’d rather not be induced at all. I mean, the baby will come regardless and with induction you run a higher risk of c-section not to mention being induced brings on stronger more painful contractions much quicker than going on your own, and since I was hoping to go natural I’d rather them not be too bad too fast. Plus (and I know my dad doesn’t care to hear this) the end of Gemini is June 21st so if he could hold off until the 22nd mommy would be happy too 🙂 I realize I just said I’d be happy to be pregnant until 6/22 but that’s the ONLY reason. if this kid comes at 11:58 on June 21th I’ll be SERIOUSLY annoyed 🙂

Next appointment, 6/12. Pray I don’t make it please.

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Notice of Eviction

I got this from a girl on my pregnancy site. I am however altering this to a 7 day Notice of Eviction 🙂

NOTICE OF EVICTION: 

I am issuing 30 day notice for EVICTION. Tenant will have 30 days in which he can either gather his belongings and promptly vacate the premises, or wait until the final day. After which, he will be physically removed from the property.

He’s being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the FRONT of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made! Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. And due to property damage, there are now leaks in both the upper AND lower levels of the home. On top of which, the landlord has received numerous complaints about nightly disturbances.

After 30 days from this day that he doesn’t comply with the notice will result in immediate and forceful removal at my discretion.

Love, Mommy

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Mommy Diaries – 38 weeks pregnant

I just got back from my 38 week appt. To start off, that pound I lost last week, it found it’s way home 🙁 I blame it on the rain! Stupid rain. But still, I’m at 43lbs total gained so far and as long as I keep eating better and avoiding soda (which I really want right now) I should do okay until he comes.

She also checked for dilation. I was still at only a fingertip so she stripped my membranes and got me to a lose 1cm! She also recommended drinking raspberry leaf tea to make the contractions I am having become more productive. I am ALL for making the contractions more productive so I’ll do whatever it takes.

The last thing is she seemed a little suprised that I hadn’t progressed more especially considering this is my third baby so if I’m still pregnant by my next appt (next Friday) then we’ll discuss induction. I’m not a big fan of induction, mostly because I don’t believe you should chose your child’s birthday becaue I think it screws up their true astrological sign which may be a corny reason but it’s why I don’t. Then again, I am sick of being pregnant so if by my next appt I haven’t progresed at all then maybe I’ll be a little more open minded.

In unrelated news, the kids are out of school for the summer on June 3rd. I’ll miss school… 😉

That’s all for this week. I’ll let you know if anything should come up (or out 🙂 Fingers crossed that I deliver soon, I may not have any ribs left intact if he’s in there much longer.

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So sad right now

You guys know I have the whole matching crib set for the baby. I LOVE it! At least I did… Unfortunately I look over at my diaperstacker today and look!!

All the stitching is coming undone! This is with the weight of only a half stack of newborn diapers in it! (which are about the size of your hand!)

I am trying not to cry right now. I’m totally bummed. Yeah, I could buy it again (it’s on sale for $10) but what’s the point? If it can’t even hold newborn size how is it ever going to last to size 5?!! I was just so happy that everything matched and now it won’t, and you know I have crazy OCD about this crap…now he’s due in less than 2 weeks…ugh :(. It’s just that I was feeling prepared and now I don’t. And I know it’s only a stupid ‘thing” but I swear to God if you’re smart you won’t say that to me right now…

I don’t even think it can be fixed. The lining is frayed.

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WTF is with this “First” crap (explicit lyrics)

Warning, I am pregnant, this is the hormones talking

I don’t get it? Why does anyone care that you were “first” to comment someone’s blog? Especially when that’s the only thing you have to say! FUCK YOU! You’re an idiot! Say something worth while at least. I particularly love the dumbasses who write “first” but are actually 3rd. I like that you can’t delete your own comment on blog’s either for that very reason because you look like a tool and I’m glad everyone gets to see it. If it were my blog I’d just delete all your stupid “first” comments. Fortunately I don’t know any of these idiots.

I miss myspace when people actually had something to say. Granted not all of my blogs/comments have been fact worthy, some I was just plain drunk and bored!  But my God, if I did decide to comment I TRIED to make a point or at least a bad joke. Not that I’m claiming to be better than you but…FUCK THAT yes I am, at least I tried.

And these stupid applications!! Ugh, I love myspace “stalking”, it’s a favorite pastime of mine, at least it used to be until it became only about sorting through dozens of stupid “I bought you as a pet” and “check out how much you’re worth” comments. Seriously?!! Does anyone talk to each other anymore? Is anyone even on here anymore or are these comments just posting themselves? And if you are posting them what is the appeal? Maybe it’s me, maybe “I” just don’t get it. Maybe the year I was working and not on myspace so much was the big turn around for it. Guess I missed the “cool” train. Can’t say I’m too broken up about it, but I do miss the hours worth of converstions I could have at any given time with ACTUAL people. Lately it feels like I’m better off trying to communicate with the damn computer automated voice who keeps calling my house for Troy Figaro…WHO DOES NOT LIVE HERE! Never has, for the two and a half years you’ve been calling for him! If a real person would call JUST ONCE I would tell you guys that!

Okay…I think I’m done. Got it all out of my system…some of it anyway. if this kid doesn’t come out of me soon there seriously may be a body count…Glad everyone in the house is asleep, I really wouldn’t want to be around me either 🙂 If you’re one of these “first” people, please stop, if you know any, please set up an intervention, they need help.

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Mommy Diaries – 36 weeks

Hey guys, not much to update but here’s what I’ve got…

We went to the doctor yesterday and everything is fine except I gained another 5 lbs! Yikes! My doctor says “okay, you’re done. Don’t gain anymore weight” 🙂 I have to cut out all soda and fried foods…great, there’s goes half my diet 🙂 I know I should have cut the soda out long ago but I NEED the caffeine, try to deal with my offspring in the morning without it! But I’ve done well the last two days. I had one yesterday before my appt but after I didn’t have anymore, and today I’ve had none (that’s probably why I’m especially tired now).
The doctor also checked me and as suspected, I haven’t started to dilate. That doesn’t mean anything really, you could be 2 or 3cm dilated and still not deliver until week 42. It’s just that when you’re pregnant, ANY sign of progress is a light at the end of the tunnel. For now I’m wondering around in the dark. I didn’t dilate early with either of the girls until D-day so I expected as much. I admit I was hopeful though. I never felt THIS much pressure and discomfort on my cervix with either of them.

I’m on this web site I am pregnant which has been really nice. I know Chris must get sick of all the redundant complaining I do all day long (although God love him, he’d NEVER admit it 🙂 so it’s nice to have other mom’s-to-be in the same week as me talking about and experiencing the same things I am. If you are expecting, I totally recommend this site!
Oh yeah, I’ve been convinced that this kid was going to weigh in around 10 lbs just because it’s the only excuse I’ll allow for why I eat so much 😉 but she checked. She admits she’s merely GUESSING but she suspects he’s only weighing 4 lbs about now which is right on track. She said you could add another 2 to 3 lbs for birth weight but she wouldn’t think more than that. There you have it, I’m just a big pig, LOL 🙂
So that’s it, I’m tipping the scales 43 lbs heavier than where I started, my cervix is still hanging in the WAY back and no sign of an early delivery (Chris’ mom will be pleased to hear that since she is flying in for the birth :).

I FINALLY have a walking partner! Shelsea and I started last week (better late than never). We do about 1.5 to 2 miles a day. It’s been really nice, we both get out of the house, we go up to the park where there’s a trail and walk our butts off (in the literal sense). It’s nice to have someone to help motivate my lazy ass because God knows, I won’t do it on my own 🙂

Did I already tell everyone that we’re all set up? The crib, swing, etc… I think I did last entry. We finally found a dresser too so I washed and sorted all the clothes. Everything is perfect, all we need is a baby 🙂

Mother’s Day was awesome! My absolute, without a doubt, BEST ever! Chris and I woke up to Milla affectionately beating me up because she was hungry which led into a 15 minute debate about why she wasn’t in there cooking ME breakfast, but really it was just to buy us 15 more minutes in bed 🙂 We had a TON of stuff to do, including do a water change in Riley’s fish tank because one of her fish had died (those damn sucker fish keep dying on me!), then her filter just died for whatever reason (well it was clogged with algae but Milla’s isn’t and it’s just as new). Luckily I had mine from when I had a fish tank so crisis averted.  Chris also had some reports he has due every Sunday so he did those while we worked on the tank so that worked out. Then we had to head down to Clearwater to see my mom and visit friends. We stopped along the way so I could pick out my Mother’s Day gift. Chris surprised me the day before and told me I could buy the neclace I had wanted FOR SO LONG from Tiffany’s!! I was about to cry! 🙂 So I went and picked it up and have only taken it off to sleep and shower since 🙂 We also had to make another stop to pick up my Mom’s M-Day card and Chris let the girls each pick something for me. Riley got me a little charm bracelet with 5 pieces dangling from it, one for each of us she said 🙂 Milla picked out a “Mom” neclace with earrings. We stopped by my mom’s and the girls decided to stay and swim which was nice, gave me a nice little Mother’s Day Break 🙂 We went and visited friends (who happen to make awesome chicken wings! I only love my mom’s so for me to compare them, you KNOW they were good :), picked up the kids and went home. While the girls were with my mom, my brother took them to the store and they each picked out a card for me. This is the first time I ever got a card from “them” :’) They were so good all day, they hardly fought, they had a blast with my mom, they fell asleep in the car on the ride home (well Milla did, Riley almost), Chris wasn’t worried about work all day (or he hid it well)…it was just perfection! 🙂

We took my pregnancy pictures! I was really bummed when a friend of mine had to sell all of her photography equipment before we could schedule my pictures to be done, but my sister Julie came down to visit and since she’s been taking courses and has a nice camera we figured it’d be fun for both of us! We took a bunch of pictures! If/when you see them, I did totally steal some of your ideas (other mommies-to-be) so don’t get mad 🙂 She’s going to work some photoshop magic and send them to me this weekend. I’m really excited about them. From what I saw on the small LCD screen we got some really good ones 🙂

I guess that’s it, I know I started saying I didn’t have much to say but I tend to do this a lot 🙂 A little more than 3 weeks to go until my due date!!

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I decided NOT to go into labor

Yeah, that shit looks painful! I know I’ve done it twice already but I just don’t know about this anymore. Maybe I shouldn’t watch so much TLC 🙂 I used to watch these shows (i.e. Bringing Home Baby, A Baby Story) and cry when the baby was born because we all do, now I start to cry when I see her go into labor 🙂

I don’t think NOT going into labor is an option at this point so I may have to just shut up and deal with it but if I had the choice…

Please God, make this one quick, I SOOOOO earned it after my last two

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Mommy Diaries – 34 weeks

What’s new in baby land you may ask? Maybe you didn’t ask but if you’re reading this then I’m going to tell you anyway… NOTHING! Well not “nothing” but we’re at the boring part, the waiting. All he does for these last 6 weeks is grow and grow and grow and take me along with him. I can (almost) literally see my belly getting bigger. I was so excited at the last doctor appointment when she said I hadn’t gained anymore weight but I HIGHLY doubt I’ll be as lucky this round (next appt on Tues).

I was disappointed to find out we won’t be doing another ultrasound. They say there’s no reason because I’m measuring normal and he appears to already be head down, but I was REALLY hoping for one of those 3D/4D pictures. They didn’t have them when I had the girls and I was excited about it but my doctor is lame and although I kept hinting to make up a reason to request the ultrasound, they didn’t get it (I swear, if we did ever have another kid, I would never use them again).

I’ve been having lots of dull pain and pressure in my pelvis. I feel the pain in my back, my right hip, and my belly. I’m also back to getting headaches almost every day. Lots of braxton-hicks contractions too…I just wish he’d come already!

Meanwhile, everything is set up, well except the dresser which we’re in the process of finding. After that I have to wash his clothes so they smell like baby detergent (I love that) and put them all away (THAT’S a chore!) Other than that, my sister gave me a beautiful crib which Chris and my dad set up, I got all my online orders in so all his nursery stuff is set up too. I managed to put together the pack-n-play and stroller without throwing anything or killing anyone. My dad came over to put the swing together. I had read online reviews that said it was a pain in the ass so I decided not to press my luck by attempting to do it. It’s so cool having all the baby stuff in the house. Seeing it all set up makes it very real!

The Girls
The past few weekends their dad and I have been doing some one on one time with the girls. Last weekend I had Riley and he had Milla, this weekend the opposite. We mostly wanted to do it because of their non-stop fighting! It’s draining. Mostly it’s Riley who’s just over having a little sister I think. She’s inbetween playing with things that Milla likes and doing “older girl” stuff (whatever it is at the moment). Milla just needs the extra attention. So each of them had us to themselves for the weekend. We were hoping they’d realize how much they’d miss each other if they didn’t have one another but no such luck so if nothing else, at least we got some “quality” time with each of them before the baby comes.

I guess that’s it. Until next time…

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