Recently my husband and I had a bit of a pregnancy scare. No, it was not planned, if anything it would have been complete birth control failure. The likelihood of me actually being pregnant was slim to none considering I’ve been using the Nuva Ring off and on for about 8 years. It’s my favorite form of birth control and had always been reliable. So why did I think I was pregnant? I admit there have been times that instead of putting it in on Sunday I would forget until Monday or Tuesday. I didn’t think much of it, following the proper instructions if that should occur, but for two weeks I was so nauseous I couldn’t stand it, and I rarely get sick, especially for any length of time. I had avoided foods that were too heavy and just felt sluggish and miserable. I felt…pregnant! I’m not one of those women who knows when she’s pregnant. I know women who say they can tell right away, but not me. The three times I’ve carried babies I had to be told by someone else that I was pregnant. So when I was near crying because I wasn’t feeling well my husband asked when my period was due and we both got that look, you know the one. Me saying “no way” him saying “I don’t know…” A few days later I got my period. We both were relieved, but also a little disappointed too.
The whole thing got us thinking, “what would it be like to have another one?” I mean, who doesn’t love babies? They’re so tiny, and soft, and sweet, and smell like baby soap. My heart just melts when I’m near a new baby. I also love being pregnant. Sure the first trimester is exhausting and boring, but once the second one hits you’ve got some extra energy and a cute little baby bump popping out, and you can feel baby flip flopping around in there practicing those martial arts moves that will one day surely make them a grand master. Plus, my husband was a gem! If I had a craving, that’s what we ate, even if it was Wendy’s Spicey Chicken sandwiches twice a day. He never got annoyed with me, he was always patient and tolerent. He was ideal! And when our son was a newborn, you never saw a man so delicate and paranoid and happy. He’s a great father, he’s what I always imagined the father of my kids would be.
I have three kids. Two from a previous relationship and now my son with my husband. For as long as I can remember I always wanted three, and I had always hoped the first two would be the same sex and the last the opposite. I had everything I ever wanted! All three of my kids even have the same initals L,M,R (not in that order, but those three letters). My husband however, while he is an amazing step father to my daughters and loves them as if they were his own, he still only has one biological child. It makes me wonder, does he wants another one? Would I have another one if he wanted to? Is it right for either of us to give up what we want because it’s not what the other wants? Is it wrong to?
My mind says “no more kids!” The only real reason I say that is because of money. That’s another birthday every year, another kid at Christmas to buy for, another child in school eventually. It means the terrible two’s again, breastfeeding again! Do I want to do that all over again? I haven’t even got Link weaned yet and he’s certainly not sleeping in his own bed yet, so could I do that with two?! And the weight! I have the hardest time losing the baby weight. It usually takes me about two years, and with my last child it took dieting too. I’m getting older, my body is recovering a lot differently than it did before.
Those days don’t last forever. Eventually the weight does come off, they are weaned, they do sleep in their own beds, and they do grow up. It’s certainly not all bad either. Nothing beats the first time you hear “momma”, nothing beats those open mouth kisses, or when they fall asleep on your chest (back when they FIT on your chest). The feeling you get when they first roll over, sit up, crawl, or walk. The way they turn their heads to watch you walk around the room. The way they smile only for you (their parents). There’s nothing else in the world that compares to it.
No doubt babies are great, and if the next one was anything like Link, toddlers are pretty neat too, and so far the girls aren’t too tough to handle (most days). So would I have another one?
In the end we’ve talked about it. We’ve agreed if by some divine intervention it happened (which we are still protecting against for the family members with dropped jaws right now) it wouldn’t be a bad thing (we even have names picked that go with our naming convention), and if it doesn’t happen…well, then we have a pretty great family as it is and there’s no need to change that. I just worry, if it’s important to him and he’s just not telling me because he thinks I’m dead set against it then that would be sad. If so, he’d better let me know because I’m about to hit mid thirties and I’m not about to be considered a “gereatric pregnancy”! These kids already make me feel old enough as it is!